Something terrible happened. On Thursday a mentally ill man walked into my workplace and shot a bunch of people, injuring four people who I know and killing a really, really nice kid I'd met once or twice and whose death is the biggest fucking tragedy I've ever heard. I'm not doing so great. A lot of people aren't doing so great.

This is so fucking unreal.

When the alert went out, it just said that there was an active shooter at Western Psych but not which building. I was at my (now former) regular job at Bellefield rather than at the main building. I called the DEC (psych ER) to see where the shooting was happening, and Christine picked up and sounded so terrified and I knew the shooter was over there. They put our building on lockdown as well because there were rumours of a second shooter and they couldn't find him and they were worried he was headed over to start shooting us. It was horrible. We didn't know what was going on, and I didn't know if my friends here at the DEC were OK or not. I kept getting messages about who was hurt and who wasn't. Someone told me that one of my favourite safety officers had been killed (thankfully it turns out that he wasn't even in the building). Then the news confirmed that someone had been killed and I was so scared it was Kathy because Kathy sits in the lobby and she would have been the first person the shooter went after. And she was, but fortunately she survived.

And it could have been me. I sit behind that desk sometimes. I work in the ER and could have been shot when the guy fired into the DEC. If he'd come a different day or time... If he'd waited just a few days, I'd have been here working when he came. And I feel like it should have been me working in the lobby, because maybe I could have stopped him, or somehow it'd be better for me to be hit than Kathy. I don't even know what I think. But I was scared shitless. And I'm not OK. I feel so vulnerable and helpless. I walked to the supermarket today and I felt myself trying to pull in and make myself as small as possible. I had a massive panic attack in the middle of Giant Eagle when I heard a couple of people talking about the shooting and the guy said "John Shick" and my heart started racing and I hyperventilated and the world disappeared and I thought I would die. People looked at me funny and I said I work for Western Psych and they nodded like they understood and walked away.

Everywhere I go I feel tiny and insignificant and I wish I could shrink up and disappear, and people around me are smiling and having fun and I want to scream at them and don't they know that I hurt and that the world is different and that it's not safe and I'm alive and I feel guilty and I want this to go away?

People here are being all tough. Not all, though. Enough understand. I gave Jack a giant hug on Friday when I saw him which he returned. Josh saw me after and gave me an unsolicited hug. I think he needed it as much as I. He let me talk about it again tonight. Oh right. I'm writing this from the DEC where I'm working tonight. I should feel more safe because there are police and extra safety, but I feel worse because they remind me of why they're here to begin with.

I... wish I knew what else to say. I just want to feel safe again. I don't want to be so scared and hurt and alone.

I'm worried about my friend Nicole, too. She's not taking it well, either. Please keep her in your thoughts. She's a sweet woman and doesn't deserve this pain. None of us do.

Poll #1484027 Hair
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My hair - how should I leave it?

Other!

Hey, cassildra...

"There are no octopoids in the palace!!!"

That is all.

I want to make a table.

Well, sort of.

I want to go to like Construction Junction or Goodwill or something like that and buy a round table. I'd then like to take this table, and... here's the hard part... make a one inch lip around the top of it so that, for example, a liquid poured into this would make a pool and not drip out or anything. This needs to look nice, too, not just some slapshod job. I'm not yet 100% sure how to do this - should I get thin pieces of wood? Should I get a long strip of metal? What do you think?

I then want to paint the top of the table and the inside of the lip in like mottled roses and pinks and golds (I think) and let that dry (the outside will be stained to match the rest of the table, if possible). Once the paint is dry, I'm going to glue down neat pretty antique things that are less than an inch high so they're stuck to the table.

Then as the second hard part, I'm going to need one or two people helping me by mixing up small batches of resin and helping me pour those into the table neatly and evenly.

So in the end, you wind up with something like this, only much cooler.

So what I'm looking for, and I will bribe people for help by buying dinner or taking people to movies or whatever:

• A ride to Construction Junction, Goodwill, IKEA, or whatever to get a table.
• Help figuring out and attaching the lip.
• Suggestions for and possibly rides to antique stores and consignment shops in the area.
• Use of somebody's level.
• Help mixing and pouring the resin into the table.

This entry intentionally left public so I can email it to people as well.

Halp pls!

I didn't even get photos of my clogged-up storm drain outside or the trail of muddy water running through my apartment because of that. I did, however, get photos of what, had I not been there to catch the initial problem, could have cost me thousands of dollars in destroyed stuff.

What's this? Is this water coming up out of the drain in my basement?





It's coming out so fast, the surface of the water looks like it's boiling.





Oh, look. It seems that the water is coming from the septic system.





I don't know if you can see it, but there's chunks of toilet paper coming up, and the water is more than ankle deep.





The maintenance guy was desperately sweeping water out into the garage (which was also busy flooding) in a desperate attempt to keep my place from flooding out.





That's a lot of really gross water.





The Roto-Rooter people finally showed up and are hopefully fixing the source of the problem, but... Eww eww eww eww eww. Oh god, eww.

Who want to go out drinking tonight?

Stolen from primaleph:

( That mental image would be hot if Sarah Palin wasn't such a scary person. )

Spinning Wheel 1964 Ashford traditional spinning wheel bought for $95 at the Summit Antique Store. It's missing its drive band, but otherwise it's in perfect condition.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watch these in order: